I’m missing Ray alot today. There’s alot going on this weekend and I’m starting to feel a little overwhelmed. It will be ok… one thing at a time will get everything done. But, for some reason, today it seems like there is a mountain that stands before me and someone has taken my walking stick away.
I talked to Ray earlier and he assures me that “I can handle it.” I’m not sure if he’s saying that to make me or himself feel better. I guess he’s right, I can “handle it” but, it’s not fun handling it alone. I get stressed out and we laugh. We laugh alot, it makes things more fun. I’m not laughing right now.
We get into a catch 22 while he’s gone. Men like to solve problems. When he is gone, he can’t “do” anything to help. When we talk, I try to share what’s going on, good and bad. If it’s something he can’t fix, he feels bad that he isn’t here. If I don’t share, he thinks everything is going fine and we don’t need him. This life isn’t for the faint of heart. I have to trust in God and my husband. I have to trust that God will get us through this and I have to trust that Ray knows that I do need him every second. He is my life support. Although, each day will go on and daily tasks will get done, my life is not complete unless he is here sharing it with me.
The picture is a typical day in our house. Ray comes home, takes his uniform off and hangs it on the door. Today, the door is empty…
“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Proverbs 3:3