Epic Fail…

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Those of you that know me, know that my life is pretty much work, church, and sports.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  God gave me boys for a reason.

This past weekend my son played in a tournament about an hour and a half from where we live.  We drove back and forth on Saturday and Sunday.  It was a long, hot weekend.  I packed everything that one could possibly need for a weekend of baseball.  I had our canopy (I still got fried!), chairs, cooler, fruit, drinks, ice pack, bbq sunflowers seed, extra socks, camera, video camera… I could go on, but I’d like you to keep reading so I’ll stop. 🙂  My point is that I was prepared!

Our first game was against our biggest rival.  I wanted to get some video for my husband. So, every time my son came up to bat, I had the camera ready.  Everytime, was pretty non-eventful… a walk, a strikeout.  I knew my son saw me video’ing him and that he was disappointed in himself because there was nothing to show daddy.  Then, he gets up to bat one more time.  He bunts (gets an RBI) and runs like lightning to first.  The first baseman missed the throw, so he starts racing to second.  Meanwhile, I am SCREAMING and jumping.  I’m trying to hold the camera still, but thinking that my husband might get seasick trying to watch it.  My son made it to third… off a bunt!  It was crazy, everyone was yelling… awesome moment.  I look down at the camera to stop it and it says “standby.”  It took my brain a moment to realize that I never hit record.  The great moment… missed.  I cried.

I don’t know if I can explain the feelings I was experiencing.  I was so proud of him, so disappointed in myself, and so sad for my husband because he would miss it.  I did manage to video another hit, but the excitement wasn’t the same.  I failed.

The next day, our second game was a nail-biter.  It was very intense!  I waited until our team had hit, then made a run for the bathroom.  As I was walking out I heard some cheers, but there were a few games going on so I didn’t know where they came from.  I came around the corner to find some kids that said “Dylan just caught a pop fly.”  Well, there’s nothing really big about him catching them… he’s the center fielder, that’s what he does.  I get back around to our group and everyone is raving about his catch.  It was even dinner conversation from the coach how marvelous the catch was… “full out sprint, fully extended reach, extra jump at the end” to swipe the ball out of the air.  I missed it again.  I failed.

Sometimes it just seems to slap me in the face that no matter how much I prepare, no matter how hard I try to keep everything going and in order, I still fail.  It’s a hard pill to swallow, but I remind myself that there was only one perfect person.  At least he’s on my side!  I try not to beat myself up, but it’s hard.  I try hard to be there for the boys, but also to record events for my husband who would not miss them if he was here.  I have faith that God provide another moment for me to capture.  In the mean time, I’m going to always check the screen before the hit and not drink as much water to I don’t have to make mad dashes to the bathroom in the middle of a game!

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalms 73:26

Alone is Lonely…

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I walk with a friend most mornings.  We joke that it is our therapy time.  We hash out most any problem.  When our walk is done, we’ve used up most of our allotted 15,000+ “girl words” for the day.  This works well for me because I work from home.  I don’t get an opportunity to use up all of my words everyday. 😉

Today, I walked alone.  Our walks usually fly by, but today seemed like an eternity.  I don’t get quiet too often.  Too much silent time with my emotions isn’t a good thing.  It hit me today that God made us to have relationships with Him and with other people.  He did not make us to be alone.  Granted, I’m not truly alone, but my husband, my best friend isn’t here.

We were able to Skype last week.  He always tells me how he’s been working out.  It’s one of his favorite things to do. (I know, he’s crazy! LOL)  He leaned back and flexed his arm muscles… showing me the guns.  I let out a little, swooning sigh.  I miss those arms around me.

I manage to keep everything going around here pretty well.  Some people may wonder how we military wives do it all.  I tell you that with God’s help, you could do it, too.  I don’t stop often because I don’t want to open up that bottle of frazzled emotions I keep hidden.  I long for the day when I see my man so he can wrap those strong arms around me… so I can stop… I can breathe… I can let go…

“The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

Flat Daddy – The Beginning…

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Well, we survived our first family vacation without daddy.  It didn’t feel right to me.  So, I created “Flat Daddy.”  This seemed perfectly logical to me… you may think I’ve gone off the deep end.

While I know that it’s allowed to have fun without daddy here, my heart wasn’t on board with this idea.  Family vacations are for families, and part of ours is on the other side of the Earth.  I tried to think of a way to include daddy… result = Flat Daddy.  Genius!

The boys were a little unsure of Flat Daddy at first.  After a while though, they started asking for him when I got out the camera.  Military life is hard.  You live separate lives, but still have to find creative ways to stay connected.  If you don’t, you remain separated even when you are reunited.  Hopefully, that makes sense… it did in my head.

My husband will probably think I’m a dork and that’s ok.  Deep down I know that he appreciates that he’s not forgotten.  And I know that the boys enjoyed having daddy with us on vacation, even if he is 5″ tall and a little on the glossy side.

Flat Daddy had many adventures at Disney World.  I wonder what he’ll get into next…

“Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Mark 10:9

The man that took this picture said Flat Daddy was “awesome!”