This past weekend my son played in a tournament about an hour and a half from where we live. We drove back and forth on Saturday and Sunday. It was a long, hot weekend. I packed everything that one could possibly need for a weekend of baseball. I had our canopy (I still got fried!), chairs, cooler, fruit, drinks, ice pack, bbq sunflowers seed, extra socks, camera, video camera… I could go on, but I’d like you to keep reading so I’ll stop. 🙂 My point is that I was prepared!
Our first game was against our biggest rival. I wanted to get some video for my husband. So, every time my son came up to bat, I had the camera ready. Everytime, was pretty non-eventful… a walk, a strikeout. I knew my son saw me video’ing him and that he was disappointed in himself because there was nothing to show daddy. Then, he gets up to bat one more time. He bunts (gets an RBI) and runs like lightning to first. The first baseman missed the throw, so he starts racing to second. Meanwhile, I am SCREAMING and jumping. I’m trying to hold the camera still, but thinking that my husband might get seasick trying to watch it. My son made it to third… off a bunt! It was crazy, everyone was yelling… awesome moment. I look down at the camera to stop it and it says “standby.” It took my brain a moment to realize that I never hit record. The great moment… missed. I cried.
I don’t know if I can explain the feelings I was experiencing. I was so proud of him, so disappointed in myself, and so sad for my husband because he would miss it. I did manage to video another hit, but the excitement wasn’t the same. I failed.
The next day, our second game was a nail-biter. It was very intense! I waited until our team had hit, then made a run for the bathroom. As I was walking out I heard some cheers, but there were a few games going on so I didn’t know where they came from. I came around the corner to find some kids that said “Dylan just caught a pop fly.” Well, there’s nothing really big about him catching them… he’s the center fielder, that’s what he does. I get back around to our group and everyone is raving about his catch. It was even dinner conversation from the coach how marvelous the catch was… “full out sprint, fully extended reach, extra jump at the end” to swipe the ball out of the air. I missed it again. I failed.
Sometimes it just seems to slap me in the face that no matter how much I prepare, no matter how hard I try to keep everything going and in order, I still fail. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but I remind myself that there was only one perfect person. At least he’s on my side! I try not to beat myself up, but it’s hard. I try hard to be there for the boys, but also to record events for my husband who would not miss them if he was here. I have faith that God provide another moment for me to capture. In the mean time, I’m going to always check the screen before the hit and not drink as much water to I don’t have to make mad dashes to the bathroom in the middle of a game!
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalms 73:26