Out of Gas…

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There are a few people out there that call me Wonder Woman.  I guess there are times when I feel like her.  Lately, I think Wonder Woman packed up her gear and flew away in her invisible jet.  What I’m about to say is not a cry for sympathy.  I’m simply sharing my feelings because I know that I am not the only person having these issues.  You are not alone.

Lately, I am tired.  Not only tired physically, but mentally… emotionally… spiritually.  My youngest son is having issues with being defiant.  Trying to keep him in check is totally draining me.  I feel like I’m always getting on to him.  Well, since I’m being honest, yelling at him… well, both of them.

From the outside things look good.  My yard is raked and leaves are bagged, but on the inside my floor needs to be mopped and I just don’t feel like doing it.  That’s probably true about me personally, too.  People see me and I look fine on the outside, but inside I’m falling apart.  I can’t say that I’m doing too much.  I do know how to say “no” and I have a lot lately.  Almost to the point that I feel that I might be detaching.

It seems that my life is filled with Monday’s, practice days, Friday’s, payroll days, Sunday’s… they just keep flying by, but I don’t really have anything to show for it.  Does that make sense?  Everything is routine.

I know that God is with me, everyday.  I pray constantly, everywhere… but, I have to admit that I don’t pray fervently.  There was a time when I did.  I felt close to God, I felt peace.  Logically, I know how to cure my ills.  Realistically though, I’m not on my knees crying out for God’s help.  If I did, He would hear.  I don’t really know what is stopping me other than the pain that will be unleashed by just saying everything out loud.  Admitting to myself and to God that I am failing… that my kids are sometimes not ok… that I am not ok… is a hard pill to swallow.

Some of you may not “get” anything I just wrote, but others will.  Some of you know exactly what I’m feeling, maybe you aren’t here now, but you have been at one time.  But, if you are right where I am, I challenge you to let it go.  Give it to God.  Let’s give him the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I’m going to… it may take some time, but I’ve seen the work He’s already done and I know He can take care of this, too.

“and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.” Psalm 50:15

Perception…

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A group of ladies from my church went to a Women of Faith conference this past weekend.  It was fun hanging out with some dear friends and to be able to spread my wings a little.

We talked a lot (shocking!).  During a car ride, one of my friends started talking about some other friends.  She was just describing… such as “she’s full of life,” “she’s so funny,” “I love being around her.”  It made me think that although I agreed with her description, I would describe those same women in a different way.

It’s all a matter of what we perceive.  How do we perceive ourselves vs. how others perceive us?  If I were to describe myself I would use words like funny, capable, leader, outgoing, etc.  Most of my friends would probably agree, but some may think I’m not funny (who am I kidding?!) or that I’m sweet, kind, and caring.  I do nice things, but I don’t immediately relate to those words.  Some people might not think highly of me at all.

I was trying to determine if I should blog on this subject.  Yesterday, God gave me confirmation.  A sweet friend confided in me that years ago she did not like me because of something I said about her child.  Now, years later, she realizes that I’m not evil or mean.  Her perception of me has changed because she gave me a chance.  How many people have you formed opinion of that might not be valid?

I wonder how God sees us?  That scares me because He sees our hearts, hears our souls.  Sometimes, my thoughts and feelings are not Christ-like.  Occasionally, I’m angry, bitter, jealous, impatient, among other things.  If He can see me as I am and still love me, can I see others for who they are and love them?  Can I see them as children of God, my brothers and sisters in Christ?

We do have an ability to perceive other people as they are, but we also have a knack for seeing people through our life-stained glasses.  Those glasses don’t always shed the greatest light.  Although hard, I think it’s possible to see people through God’s eyes.  I challenge myself to try.  Will you?

“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly that he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.”  Romans 12:3