Through my blog, I try my best to be “real.” I struggle every day. I fail every day. I know that there are so many images out there that make us mom’s feel that we are not living up to perfection. We see our friends’ Facebook lives and think that they have it all under control and wonder what the heck is wrong with ourselves. Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you… or me!
I fail my children every day. I yell… I am hard on them… I lack patience… I sometimes lack tenderness… sometimes, I simply lose my mind. But, every once in a while, I get a glimpse of hope. Hope that I am not doing everything wrong… hope that my lack of patience hasn’t scarred my boys for life… hope that they will turn out to be good men.
This past Friday was my birthday. The weekend consisted of an out-of-town baseball tournament that had us leaving the house at 6:30am both days and not returning until late in the evening. It was HOT and exhausting, but I love watching the boys play. I love watching the joy on their faces.
Saturday, my youngest brought his stash of cash to the ball park. During his brother’s game, he went to the concession stand. He came back and dropped a bag of M&M’s (my favorite) in my lap and said “this is for your birthday.” It wasn’t a sappy sweet delivery, but I have boys. But, the message was clear. He used his money, without being asked, to get me something I love. That was huge. HUGE!
I sent my oldest home to be with the dog, while the younger was still playing. He was home for about seven hours by himself. This was a first. I’ve tested the waters on leaving them home alone, but not for that long with me that far away. I wasn’t worried, but he was on my mind all afternoon. He called a few times to see how his brother’s games were going. I’m sure he was tired of being alone.
When I got home, I spent about 45 minutes running around unpacking from the day, repacking for the next, getting uniforms ready, etc. I finally went to my room to take a shower and saw the note (above) taped to my door. I was so exhausted, yet so wound up. I saw the note and my shoulders immediately relaxed, I teared up. I just sat on my bed… staring at it.
Two random acts of kindness in one day. Both boys, not knowing what the other had done, each made my day.
I’m not the most patient and I know I lack gentleness, but no matter what I lack, my boys do pick up on my spirit of giving, of encouragement, of generosity… maybe I am not as much of a failure as I thought.
My hope for you is that for every bad thing you see in yourself, also see the good. Our children pick up on our traits… good and bad. Try to focus on the good ones.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6